Surviving Halloween Tomorrow
Tomorrow is the BIG DAY... and by that I mean the day with the BIGGEST meltdowns...
Halloween is tomorrow so I figured I would take a break from my normal content to send you three quick tips!
Halloween is obviously an exciting day for kids, packed with costumes and trick-or-treating....
But it’s also an OVERWHELMING day as we break from the regular predictable routines and enter chaos mode.
As fun as it is, Halloween is just a lot for young brains to process. The spookiness, social interactions, the sugar, and most of all the expectations of those things can lead to overwhelm if we’re not prepared.
With that in mind, here are my three brain-based tips to help your child (and you!) enjoy Halloween to the fullest while keeping things calm and manageable.
Tip 1: Set a Plan Together
For many kids, Halloween is all about the anticipation: planning costumes, dreaming of candy, and looking forward to exploring the neighborhood at night. But for our kids’ brains, which are constantly learning to navigate excitement and fear, planning can make a big difference in how they handle the excitement.
Take a few minutes before Halloween (preferably today or tomorrow) to walk through the day together with your child. You can chat about things like:
What time you’ll leave (set a timer if necessary);
How many houses you plan to visit, and;
When and how candy will be consumed (my default is usually none until we get home; more on that in Tip 3).
Not only does this make the evening feel predictable (which kids’ brains crave to feel safe), it also gives them a sense of control over the experience, which is reassuring.
When kids know what to expect and feel like they play a part in planning, it supports their brain development while making it easier to stay regulated when things inevitably don’t go exactly as planned.
If they’re unsure about some parts of the night (like if a certain house looks extra spooky), gently let them know it’s okay to skip parts or change plans that feel too scary. Halloween is about fun, not fear, so taking this moment to empower your child will make the night feel special and secure for them.
Tip 2: Practice Quick Grounding Techniques
Whether it’s an unexpected noise, a sudden jump-scare from a Halloween decoration, or even a simple change in plans, lots of stuff can easily set off our kids’ stress response.
The amygdala, a part of the brain that’s always on the lookout for danger, is quick to jump into action if something feels “off.”
On a day when everything is out of routine, it doesn’t take much to feel off.
Halloween, with all its surprises, can be an amygdala-activating event!
So, today, before Halloween, practice an emotional regulation game or grounding technique that will help them calm down if/when they feel scared or anxious. Here’s a simple one that kids usually find helpful:
Imaginary Candle Breathing: Have your child take a deep breath in, then slowly blow out as if they’re blowing out a birthday (or jack-o-lantern) candle. This slows down their breathing and signals to their parasympathetic nervous system that they’re safe.
Simple activities like those in the game guide remind their brain to stay in the “calm-and-think” mode rather than “fight-or-flight.”
You should practice these techniques together during the day leading up to Halloween, so they’re ready to use them when needed!
Tip 3: Manage Expectations
As I said at the top kids, Halloween is often synonymous with expectations about candy, costumes, and excitement...
And as my (sometimes overly pessimistic) friend who doesn’t have kids once wisely said,
“Expectations are just premature disappointments”
An evening of fun can quickly turn to tears when those expectations aren’t managed in advance. Here are some strategies to help keep the experience positive by setting expectations for treats, time, and winding down at the end of the night.
Candy Expectations: Instead of trying to take candy away in the moment set a long-term “candy plan” in advance. Once they HAVE the candy in hand, you’re going to battle loss aversion (the brain’s natural tendency to over emphasize losing something). The Candy-Plan could be as simple as choosing how many pieces they can choose enjoy right after trick-or-treating, then having a place for them to keep it until laster. This approach, like Tip 1, gives your child a sense of control over their treats without the emotional highs and lows that come with too much sugar all at once.
BONUS Tip: You could even try a fun “trading” system—where they can exchange a few pieces of candy for another Halloween treat, like a toy or special activity. We do this so that the Candy doesn’t get out of control.
Activity Expectations: Talk with your child about how long you’ll be out, or set a loose “check-in” point partway through to stop and rest. For younger kids, a set time or a certain number of houses may help them know when to expect the night to wind down. This can prevent sudden meltdowns when it’s time to call it a night. Again a lot of this was in tip 1 but it bears repeating.
BONUS Tip: Have a wind-down plan for after trick-or-treating. Halloween can be overstimulating, so finding a calming way to wrap up the night is key; espcially if you know they’re going to have a hard time calling it “quits”. Consider watching a family movie together or playing a game. Something fun and calming do do when the chaos is done.
YOUR Expectations: Finally, you have to manage YOUR expectations. Parents can get just as caught up in the madness as their kids. Make sure you eat and stay hydrated and have a plan of what to do when things do come off the rails (and they will). Remember, this night is totally out of routine and overstimulating for you and your kids. Meltdowns are MORE likely not less. Just because it’s “supposed to be fun” and you’re doing it all “for them” doesn’t mean there won’t be some tough moments. Stay cool. It’s one night.
Last Reminder
Remember, most of the important childhood memories aren’t made on these “big days” and the best Halloween memories are often made when things fall apart anyway. Most likely, if you keep your cool, no matter how dysregulated they get, the memory will be a fond one. The only way to mess this up is to take it TOO SERIOUSLY.
You got this! Right there with ya!
Wishing you and your little ones a Happy Halloween! 🎃👻
Signed,
A fellow parent of kids who are sure to be FERAL tomorrow….
aka Jon